30+ Murphy's Laws Of Work

A pat on the back is only a
few centimeters from a kick
in the pants.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you
can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the
more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want
if you look serious and carry
a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing
in the morning and nothing worse will
happen to you the rest of the day.

Never ask two questions in a business
letter. The reply will discuss the one
you are least interested in, and say
nothing about the other.

When the bosses talk about improving
productivity, they are never talking
about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try
again. Then quit. No use being a
damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling
on the floor of your car when the boss
asks for a ride home from the office.

Mother said there would be days like
this, but she never said there would
be so many.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's
back. This is what I'm doing wrong.

Everything can be filed under
"miscellaneous."

Never delay the ending of a meeting
or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is
not company policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no
errors will develop errors in the mail.

The last person that quit or was fired
will be the one held responsible for
everything that goes wrong - until the
next person quits or is fired.

There is never enough time to do it
right the first time, but there is
always enough time to do it over.

The more pretentious a corporate name, the
smaller the organization. (For instance, The
Murphy Center for Codification of Human and
Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM,
AT&T ...).

If you are good, you will be assigned
all the work. If you are really good,
you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal
when the boss drops by your desk.

People are always available
for work in the past tense.

If it wasn't for the last
minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is
inversely proportional to the number
of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do,
walk fast and look worried.

You will always get the
greatest recognition for
the job you least like.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

When confronted by a difficult problem
you can solve it more easily by reducing
it to the question, "How would the Lone
Ranger handle this?"

The longer the title, the less
important the job.

Machines that have broken down
will work perfectly when the
repairman arrives.

An "acceptable" level of employment
means that the government economist to
whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything
done to improve it makes it worse.

All vacations and holidays create
problems, except for one's own.

Success is just a matter of luck,
just ask any failure.