Nobody does anything unless it benefits
them. Man is a biological organism. To
forget this is to miss entirely the nature
of human activity. (The essence of any
organism is to survive.)
Never follow a pressure artist.
Pick your supervisor wisely.
Those who do good work are not
rewarded; they only get more work.
Don't ask a question unless you
think you will like the answer.
Don't give any poor ratings. Low
ratings threaten you as a leader
(motivate) of subordinates.
Manage your time today. Be sure
you have the ability to plan your
own life and career.
Small (not large) successes
lead to getting ahead.
The rules protect those who
live by them.
Take the line of least resistance to
accomplish your objective. Always do
a least-work analysis.
A sad story can be more potent
than your abilities; practice one.
Don't worry about technical
competence.
Watch for all records that are
kept and score high on these.
Give no indication of other
outside activities.
In decision making, three-fourths of
the time your best choice is nothing.
Be positive, positive, positive. Never
disagree with your supervisor or company
policy no mater how wrong it is. Nobody
likes a wet blanket, especially when they
are right. You can't change anything anyway
and you will only be seen as a trouble maker.
Go hunting where the ducks are.
Dress for others, but eat for yourself.
Part of being professional is looking
professional.
Be sure you have realistic ambitions.
Those who write the rules write them
to protect themselves.
Beware the gilded birdcage (one that
looks good but smells bad).
Before you get into a spitting contest
be sure you have lots of saliva, and be
sure you pick the time and place.
Eighty percent of all costs to doing
anything are indirect and may be
non-financial.
"Come back and see me again,
when you have more money."
Letters to the file: "I believe I
must protect myself with this note
to the file."
If you are going down take as many
with you as you can.
There isn't any organization that is
run better than those you are in now.
(How does that make you feel?)
Be careful when it comes to
telling the truth.
Be smart enough not to put your supervisor's
chauffeured limousine on the list of expendable
luxuries.
Three things determine your success:
If your supervisor likes you, if you
are in the right place at the right
time, and your seniority.
To avoid ulcers keep repeating:
a) "We are not responsible for loss
or exchange of belongings,"
b) "It didn't happen on my watch,"
c) "I just work here,"
d) "It's not my responsibility,"
e) or "It's not my company"
also learn the other platitudes such as,
"it's for the good of the company," "we
live in an age of accountability," and
"this is the year of women."
Never take no for an answer if you
are really serious.
Best insurance policy is a jic
(just in case) file.
Anytime someone has a fancy, complicated,
involved presentation they are probably
trying to pull something over on you.
Water runs down hill.
Anybody who can't be bribed
can't be trusted.
Start all correspondence: "Ladies
and gentlemen of the Jury ..."
Never do anything stupid on purpose.
Life in the big city is harsh, cruel,
impersonal, and non-caring. life itself
is dirty, short, and miserable.
Those who work in the barnyard don't
notice the smell.
Never tell anyone your problems
or your plans.
All opportunities are transient.
Remember, 400 years from now, none of
this will make a difference anyway.
Do things that make your supervisor look
good (and/or show him/her something good
to look at). Your supervisor won't always
be a nice guy but, being in and organization
is a lot like being in show business.
Don’t take anyone else's word for anything.
Don't be the first to step forward, nor the
last, they stand out and are punished. Don't
ever look as though you are being successful
or you will be a target to shoot down. You
should appear to be aiming at the norm rather
than for excellence.
Never volunteer; you can never complain
of mistreatment. |
Always seek the comfort of reality and
constantly work at equipping yourself
to handle that reality.
Winning and losing are all that count,
and losers don't count at all.
Keep giving your work to someone
else to do.
Play nice, but win.
Identify your peak workload times
and try to find ways to shave them.
Nine out of ten supervisors are in
work over their head. They can't
keep up with what is happening or
even their morning mail. If you've
got a good supervisor you should
consider yourself very fortunate.
Most supervisors are not ignorant, but
they think they know a lot of things
that are not true.
Never tall anyone how much money you
make. Money has four values: what you
tell your spouse, your chum, the IRS,
and what you really make.
Be careful of telling anyone of your
political affiliation.
A person who is able to avoid situations
in which they might fail is likely to be
a success.
If you want a committee to fail at it's
goal, get it bogged down in details. If
you want the committee action to succeed,
send through a trial balloon because nothing
is ever sent back for more work than twice.
Develop strategies for discrediting information.
Never admit you did a bad job on anything. Deny
any charges. Introduce an element of doubt in
the charge.
Never get involved in anything unless it
is really important to you. Small things
will only misdirect your best effort.
If you have to cut back on anything, cut
muscle and bone rather than fat. The powers
that be will think you did the wrong thing
and restore the reduction.
Try to appear as a good scout, who
is highly motivated, and gets along
well with everyone.
The person with one watch knows
what time it is; the person with
two isn't sure.
Don't tell me what your facts are,
tell me how you got your facts.
Take no prisoners and leave no witnesses.
Encourage staff turnover who might have
critical records against you so none can
accumulate enough bad evidence to press
a case against you.
Never steal anything small. Consider the
probability of detection and if detected
the probability of punishment.
Military conquest is still the most reliable
method of expansion. Those who win the wars
write the history books. Those who are dead
or lose don't count anyway.
Organizational systems are homeostatic
mechanisms, for every up there is a down.
They may even have biorhythms.
Who is mad at you is far more
important than how many.
Management is a pediatric problem.
If you hit a buried treasure you
had better keep it a secret.
Hiring people to solve a problem
rarely results in getting the problem
solved, but it does employ some people
which does solve their problem.
Any area studied carefully will reveal problems,
which if studied more carefully will show more
and deeper problems, which if studied by experts
will show that there are many additional problems
that all warrant more study by more experts. But,
nothing they find will ever solve the original
problem or will ever improve upon an existing
situation. The world never learns and nothing ever
really happens.
Don't mistake technical competence
with what you were originally trying
to measure.
The thought of being hanged if you
are caught, focuses the mind greatly.
If you are selling, assume consent; if
buying assume negative. Be sure all
requests by subordinates are put in writing
and allow a minimum of several days to
consider the issue before saying no.
No management really knows how efficient
their company could be run. They do not
know the upper limit on their performance.
They really don't know the market potential.
Nor do they know accurately the strength and
depth of their competition.
It can be a bad thing to solve a problem.
It stops attempts to find a better solution.
The real function of management is to
learn how to coordinate many technically
competent subordinates and to be able to
set reasonable limits on their power. Most
management’s do this job badly.
A system1 organization has been described
as the incompetent directing the unwilling
to do the unnecessary for the ungrateful.
A true friend is someone who will lend you
$1000 with no questions asked. How many
friends like this do you have?
You can't be a professional manager; it
is a contradiction of terms. A manager
is a bureaucrat and they have completely
different set of values than professionals.
Only the lead dog gets
a change of scenery.
Don't let anyone define you as their
enemy or you define them that way. There a
re no permanent friends and no permanent
enemies. If you define each other as enemies
you will set into motion interlocking behavior
patterns that will then prevent you from
breaking the definition.
Don't tell anyone else about the Management
Dirty Fighting Survival Manual or they will
use it on you. |
